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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140496">A Message For The Diving Bell</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlingRose/pseuds/DarlingRose'>DarlingRose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:07:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25140496</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarlingRose/pseuds/DarlingRose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, how come we never talked about this stuff?”<br/>“I don’t know. It didn’t feel… You never really talked to me about Cat.”<br/>“I got the impression that you didn’t really like her.”<br/>“I think she wasn’t right for you.”</p>
<p>As Ellie grows closer to her new girlfriend, her and Dina grow farther apart. Yet as time breeds a strange and irreversible connection between them, Ellie begins to realize there may be something else at play. Something Dina never meant for her to know…</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Message For The Diving Bell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>[0835]</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Somewhere in Jackson County, Wyoming</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The sun is reaching over the trees, leaving droplets of light to dance across the vastness of water that Ellie lays in, her arms and legs reaching out from her, her body floating idly in the lake. Once she learned how to swim, she found that she could just let her body float on the top of the rippling waters. She wasn’t necessarily swimming, but she wasn’t drowning either. She could spend hours like this. Just still, letting the day move on around her, the sun pass over her, watching the clouds move and reshape or disappear, much to Joel’s frustration. He was too much of a busy body. Always wanting to move on to the next task, focusing on a specific schedule, trying to not let anything distract him. He wanted to survive, that’s all he needed to do, that’s all he wanted for Ellie. But now they were here, trying to make a home, and Ellie wanted to <em>live. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>She’s in a small lake, just outside the city limits of Jackson. She was hooping if she got here early enough no one would notice she was gone, but now the sun is peaking through, and she knows it’s time to leave. She closes her eyes and basks in the tranquility of her surroundings for a moment longer. She tries to focus on the softness of the water, the heat of the sun, the sound of the wind in the tress or of the deepness of the lake if she lets her head slip under. She ignores the aching in her stomach, calling for food, or the pounding in her head from last night’s few too many drinks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She wonders if she can find Advil anywhere, or at least some peppermint. This is a new luxury to her, the idea that pain can be relinquished, that you can control it. It’s never far from her mind the life she once lived, the things she had to do, she lets in linger inside of her, a memory form another life but enough to remind her of the price she had to pay. She understands the cost of surviving in the world around her, she understands how not everyone is like her or wants her to live, and she will make the same choices again if she has to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She casually treads over to the sand bank, where she left her back pack and shoes. The feeling of the slimy, squishy weeds underneath her toes as she trudges out of the water makes her squirm. The undergrowth around the bank’s hums with insects, waking up under the iridescent sky. She wrings out her hair, tugging a lose t-shirt over her wet body, and heads back through the thick, damp forest.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>[0912]</strong>
</p>
<p>Ellie walks through the old warehouse, grunting as she shoves the heavy metal door open. The air smells rancid and weighs down on her with the heat of the morning. She scrunches up her nose as she searches for Annie.</p>
<p>Lately she’s been taking a break from patrols, assisting in Jackson’s makeshift infirmary, mostly made up of Annie, a doctor who came through about a year back. She’s trained two people to assist her, mostly those who refuse or are too scared to go outside the city limits. They mostly only treat minor injuries; however, they have started to look for those beyond Jackson’s limits to care for. Maria says it helps build a reputation.</p>
<p>A young boy sifting through a mountain of boxes looks up as Ellie heads in. He points up the stairs to where Ellie can faintly hear screaming. She takes a shaky breath in and starts up the narrow staircase.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>A young, small blond sits upright on the tough tarp covered mattress they used as a makeshift hospital bed. She has pillows supporting her back, keeping her head up as she sinks into the folds of the bed. Her face is dangerously pale and sweaty, eyes glazed and distant.</p>
<p>“Looks like an early stage of shock,” Ellie whispers to Annie as she peers through the open door where the injured scout lays. Her name is Jane, 16 and new to Jackson in the past year. Her leg is elevated, a long deep wound cascading sharply down her shin, blood slowly seeping onto the gauze underneath it.</p>
<p>“She’s lost almost 2 litres of blood,” Annie responds quietly, puncturing a large bag of normal saline, letting the fluid flow through the tube. “Came back almost slouched over on her horse. Don’t even know how she came back alive to be honest.”</p>
<p>“What do we do?” Ellie asks, watching the doctor work over a countertop of supplies. Plunging a needle into a vial, swirling it around, skilled hands working the antibiotics into the bag.</p>
<p>“Well, we can’t do transfusions,” Annie sighs, taking her eyes away from her hands and up to Ellie’s. Ellie understands, at least she thinks she does. Blood transfusions. Find their type, match their type, watch for reactions, and wait for recovery. Except they didn’t have that luxury yet, but they would soon, at least that’s what they kept telling everybody.</p>
<p>“So, we’ll give her fluids, antibiotics, pack the wound and hope she makes it through the night.”</p>
<p>Ellie nods, looking back over to Jane. The girl looks back at Ellie, her eyes hooded and pleading. Ellie wonders why she can’t keep her gaze, she’s afraid of the girl, or maybe afraid for her.</p>
<p>She follows Annie into an adjacent dim light room, carefully opening up the glass hilt of a window to let fresh air seep in and cascade around the musty environment. She watches the doctor hook up the line to the catheter in the girl’s arm, resting the full bag on coat hanger hung from the ceiling.</p>
<p>“Ellie,” Annie says to her quietly. “Can you…”</p>
<p>Ellie looks behind her, following Annie’s gaze to the farthest wall. The brown leather belt hangs next to the drawers full of linens and gowns they have collected. She pulls it off the wall dimly, turning back towards the bed.</p>
<p>She moves up to the frail girl, hovering over her as she holds the belt in both of her hands. “What are you doing,” Jane croaks, her voice hoarse and high-pitched. Worry is written over her features, eyebrows scrunched together, her face matted with sweat. Ellie holds her hands out gently.</p>
<p>“Bite down on this,” Ellie says quietly, placing the belt between Jane’s teeth. She feels the pressure of the girl’s teeth sink into the leather, hears her scream into the musty room, can feel the pain as her tibia is shifted back into place.</p>
<p>Ellie turns her gaze away from Jane, looking out into the pale morning light.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>[1123]</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ellie gulps loudly as she looks down at the cherry pie. “No thanks,” she says, licking her dry lips. She closes her eyes, trying to ignore the growing hunger in her stomach, but also trying to ignore the rising feeling of nausea if she sees one more thing that looks like blood.</p>
<p>“I thought you liked cherry pie,” Joel asks, his eyebrows scrunched in confusion. They sit across from each other in the dining hall, two plates of pie sit in front of them that Joel happened to pick up early in the morning, before they were plucked clean. The growing heat has left the dining hall sparse, small groups speckled around, keeping their conversations intimate and quiet. Joel had waited for Ellie to finish whatever the hell she did at the infirmary. She usually didn’t like to talk about it, or really anything these days.</p>
<p>He had asked ahead who was in the infirmary this morning, just to know what she was walking into. They had said it wasn’t anything serious, just a leg injury. But Joel saw how she looked when she walked through those doors this morning, the paleness of her skin daunting in the florescent lights. When he asks her, she just shakes her head, tells him he doesn’t want to know.</p>
<p>“Mm-mm,” Ellie shakes her head, pushing her bangs back from her face. She nudges the plate away from her slightly, taking a small sip of water from her canteen.</p>
<p>“Damn,” Joel sighs, taking a bit out of his pie, the crust crumbling into his beard. “I thought I’d finally cracked the enigma.”</p>
<p>Ellie squints her eyes at him, “I’m not going to even try to understand what that means.”</p>
<p>Joel sighs dramatically, “You don’t like coffee, you don’t like cats, you don’t like Indiana Jones- “</p>
<p>“Hey!” Ellie juts out her finger at him accusingly, “Only because you made me watch it during the middle of a goddamn hurricane.”</p>
<p>“It was drizzling at best,” Joel says, smiling at her.</p>
<p>“Pfft, whatever.” Ellie slumps back into her chair, arms crossed over her chest. An eruption of laughter across the hall grabs both their attention. A crowd parts and Maria walks through, hair tight in a bun, shirt smeared with dirt. She waves goodbye to the group behind her and saunters over towards Joel and Ellie, tucking her radio in the back pocket of her jeans.</p>
<p>“Howdy,” Joel says as she reaches them.</p>
<p>“Sorry to interrupt,” she breathes, clearly out of breath. “I just had the most erratic fucking morning.” She sighs heavily and wipes her forehead with the back of her sleeve, the bags under her eyes prominent and alarmingly dark. “Joel, Tommy needs you on the East end.”</p>
<p>Joel looks up at her skeptically but nods anyways. “Alright.”</p>
<p>“Also, your horse ran away again.”</p>
<p>Ellie stifles a laugh, biting her lip to conceal her smile. Joel scoffs into his hand, shaking his head. “Fuckin animal.”</p>
<p>Ellie reaches out to smack him against his hand, “Language!”</p>
<p>Maria gives them a tight smile, turns to leave, her radio cutting through the hall with static voices. “Hey,” Ellie calls to her, making her turn around. “Have you seen Dina anywhere?”</p>
<p>“Yeah actually,” Maria answers, “she’s just back in the stable workshop.” She gives them a short wave and turns on her heel, her shoulders sagging as she marches out of the hall, back into the overgrown courtyard. Joel and Ellie don’t speak until she’s gone.</p>
<p>“She seems stressed,” Ellie says quietly when it’s just the two of them again, taking a very small bit of the cherry pie, instantly regretting it.</p>
<p>“Best to just stay out of their business,” Joel says, his voice gruff with an authoritative tone. He stands up, shrugging on his jacket roughly over his shoulders with a grunt. He’s been complaining lately of sore joints, “like sandpaper” he’ll say to her when she timidly touches his shoulder after he groans in pain. He lightly ruffles her hair as he walks past her and out the hall. She watches him go, his back tense, his grays sparkling in the stark bright light, until she is alone again.</p>
<p>Ellie leans forward, letting her head rest in her hands, blowing her bangs out of her face.</p>
<p>
  <em>I should really eat something</em>
</p>
<p>She takes a big breath and plugs her nose, quickly shoving the intensely sweet pie in her mouth, harshly swallowing it all down, leaving none behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>She can hear Dina speaking before she reaches the door to the workshop. A horse whines as she walks past its stable, lightly stomping the ground as she gingerly reaches over to caress the crisp black mane. She slowly lets the door creak open, her eyes adjusting to the dimness of the workshop, straining to see Dina’s silhouette in the small room.</p>
<p>Dina sits crossed legged at a table, headphones in her ears, listening to Ellie’s Walkman, eyes forward and speaking very, very loudly.</p>
<p>“NOOOUS ALLONS. TOO ALLER. JE VAIS.” Dina doesn’t hear Ellie enter, doesn’t seem to notice anything but the words that are speaking to her. Ellie hesitantly moves towards her.</p>
<p>“VOUS ALLEZZZ.” She speaks harshly, pronouncing each syllable with force, letting her voice travel throughout the entire stable.</p>
<p>“Dina.” Ellie says, gaging her reaction.</p>
<p>“IL- ILS VONT I-CI.”</p>
<p>“Dina,” Ellie says louder, moving towards the girl, waving her hands in the air.</p>
<p>“VIENS ICI.”</p>
<p>Ellie carefully hovers behind her, pulling one headphone delicately out of her ear. “Dina,” she says softly.</p>
<p>Dina jumps in surprise, whipping her head around to see Ellie. Her face erupts in a smile. “Ellie!” She pulls Ellie down for a hug, nuzzling her head in the nape of Ellie’s neck. Ellie strains herself downward to wrap her arms around her friend, catching the loud, obnoxious voice rising from the hanging headphone.</p>
<p>“What on earth are you doing,” Ellie asks, releasing herself from Dina’s grasp.</p>
<p>Dina smiles up at her, turning off the Walkman. “I’m learning French! I thought it would be a great addition to all the awesome qualities I already have.” She pushes herself away from the edge of the table, grabbing her boots from underneath.</p>
<p>“French?” Ellie asks suspiciously, grabbing a chair from the opposite end of the room, placing it in front of Dina.</p>
<p>Dina rolls her eyes at her, “Oh don’t give me that look.” She tugs one boot on harshly, grabbing for the other one. “You never know,” she says grunting, shoving her foot down into the soul with invigorating force. “Could be… useful someday.” She sighs in relief as she wiggles her foot in. Ellie makes a mental note to get her a new pair of shoes, maybe ones without those stupid flowers on them.</p>
<p>“You know you’re absolutely right,” Ellie asserts grinning, “I don’t know how I never thought of it. It’s exactly what Jackson needs.”</p>
<p>Dina sighs heavily. “You might think I’m funny now but just wait!” She looks at Ellie very seriously, an insistent finger wagging at Ellie. “When we are in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, and we just happen on French… speaking… people…” She pauses, looking down at the floor. Ellie waits for her, unable to withhold a smile that grows with each passing moment, her affection for her best friend overwhelming.</p>
<p>“Oh!” Dina perks up, straightening her back, clearing her throat. “Watch this,” she pipes, her eyes wide with confidence. “Je m-mappelle Dina!”</p>
<p>Ellie smiles down at her, taking off her coat, the heat of the afternoon sweeping away the cool morning air. “Mmmm I don’t think that was French,” Ellie says, scrunching her eyebrows together. “It was more like…”</p>
<p>“No,” Dina says, her face turning into a frown, shaking her head vigorously. “I am almost certain the tape said French. I even got Jesse to listen to it and- “</p>
<p>Ellie starts giggling, which then turns into laughing. “I’m just fucking with you,” she says, holding her stomach. “Gosh, you are so gullible.”</p>
<p>Dina lightly punches Ellie in the knee, her face breaking a tight smile. “God, why do I even try with you anymore?’ Dina begins to laugh as well, unable to resist the infection of Ellie’s giggling.</p>
<p>Ellie laughs lightly, “it’s cute.” Ellie means it sincerely, but the look Dina gives her, hooded eyelids, her mouth open, makes Ellie’s heart beat a little faster.</p>
<p>Dina says these things all the time. Little compliments here and there, calling Ellie a pet name, coddling her with sweet talk. But when Ellie does it, it just… feels wrong. She’s awkward, and boyish, and says the wrong thing at the wrong time. She wants to be like Dina, to have fun and not care what other people think, yet all other people really think about is how she draws in you in and leaves you wanting more. Ellie knows how other people see her. Yet there’s a part of Ellie that wants to let go, just cut the cord and free fall, but around Dina…</p>
<p>
  <em>You can’t lose something that was never yours, Ellie.</em>
</p>
<p>Ellie sucks her lips in, her toes curl in her shoes, feels her cheeks getting dangerously hot.</p>
<p> “Um…,” Dina clears her throat, starts to roll up her headphones in the palm of her hands. Ellie watches as her fumbling fingers eject the weathered tape, quickly sealing it in the front pocket of her checkered flannel.</p>
<p>“Here.” She hands Ellie her Walkman, her eyes focused on the object.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” Ellie says, her voice sounding small, strange.</p>
<p>
  <em>Why don’t you ever just. shut. up. Ellie?</em>
</p>
<p>“Cat was looking for you earlier,” Dina mumbles. Ellie instinctively looks down at her feet, her silence stretching out between them. “You two have been spending a lot of time together.”</p>
<p>Ellie can hear the blood rush past her ears, the heat of the room suffocating her. She looks up at Dina, her gaze faltering in the wake of those big, brown eyes. “I really like her, Dina.”</p>
<p>Dina smiles, a genuine smile. “I know.”</p>
<p>Ellie forces out a laugh, forcing her sweaty hands down the front pockets of her jeans. “It’s uh… really hot in here…”</p>
<p>Dina cocks her head, “Am I making you uncomfortable?”</p>
<p>“What,” Ellie scoffs. “No.”</p>
<p>“Are you in loooove,” Dina advances, standing up from her chair slowly, picking up her backpack.</p>
<p>Ellie shakes her head dismissively, “Pfft. I’ve known the girl for like what? 2 months?”</p>
<p>“Hmmm.” Dina grabs her sweater off the back of her chair, aggressively shoving it into her backpack.</p>
<p>Ellie sighs, biting her lip, “We haven’t even, you know, really kissed yet.”</p>
<p>Dina looks up at her with surprised eyes, her mouth tugged down, perplexed. “So chivalrous of you, Miss Williams.”</p>
<p>The two girls turn to head out, the old barn door creaking behind them. Dina produces a key from her back pocket, locking the door, jiggling the handle enthusiastically.</p>
<p>“Come on,” she looks up at Ellie. White teeth shining through her open lips, face beaming in the afternoon sun.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck me. </em>
</p>
<p>“Let’s get the fuck outta here.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>[1456]</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The ceiling fan above her moves in long, slow circles. She can hear the sound of each blade piercing through the air, again, and again. She follows it with hooded eyes, though it starts to blur as her eyes lose focus, rolling back into her head. Another wave of pleasure ripples through her body and she scrunches her eyes tightly, letting her head loll back, her toes curl into the faded sheets. With one hand she gripes the pillow behind her, the other she lets slips in to her girlfriends’ hair and tugs <em>tightly.</em></p>
<p>Ellie lets herself relax completely on her bed. Her legs go limp, her arms lay loosely around her, she moves her head around to look at every angle of the girl between her legs, her hands contracting where she knows the girl likes to feel the slightest pain. When their eyes meet Ellie’s legs start to shake, her back arches from the bed, breasts pushing against the thin cotton of her shirt. She’s lost to herself when she feels a sharp bite on her most sensitive flesh.</p>
<p>Ellie’s head jerks up, her eyes wide. “Ow Cat! What the hell?” She’s panting, her chest heaving up and down as she looks at the dark-haired girl between her legs.</p>
<p>
  <em>I was so close.</em>
</p>
<p>“That’s for lying to me,” Cat soothes, brushing her fingers against the insides of Ellie’s thigh.</p>
<p>“What-“ Ellie props herself up on her elbows, trying to catch her breath. “What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>Cat gently kisses her hip bone, her lips trailing down her skin. “I waited for you,” she whispers, Ellie skin yielding goosebumps where her lips touched. “For two,” she kisses just above her pubic hair, “hours.”</p>
<p>Ellie doesn’t know if she likes this. The teasing way she’s pleasuring her, or her the subtle accusatory tone she has, pinning Ellie to the bed. Ellie’s vulnerable, and she knows it.</p>
<p>Ellie stares down at her, unblinking. “Oh, fuck,” she swears, smacking her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I can’t believe I forgot,” Ellie exclaims, biting her lower lip as she looks down with pleading eyes.</p>
<p>“You know,” Cat chides, snaking Ellie’s body slowly, stopping where their noses are practically touching. “I’m not gonna let Dina talk you out of it.”</p>
<p>Ellie’s legs instinctively close at the mention of Dina’s name, and she feel’s strangely… exposed. She takes a deep breath in, holding it in the base of her lungs. “It’s not that she doesn’t like the design or anything…” Ellie explains, twirling a strand of Cat’s dark hair around her index finger. “She’s just not used to the idea is all.”</p>
<p>“Hmff,” Cat shrugs, laying her head on Ellie’s chest. “It’s not that different from your journaling.”</p>
<p>“I know it isn’t,” Ellie sighs, running her fingers through Cat’s hair, carefully untangling any knots. They stay like that for a while. Cat can hear, <em>feel</em>, Ellie’s heart slowly begin to stabilize, her breathing becoming steady and leisured. Cat’s slender body shifts beneath her, moving herself around so she lays on her side. Ellie wonders if she’ll go back to tasting her again, kissing Ellie where no one has kissed her before.</p>
<p>Ellie loves this, being with her. Cat reaches into her and fills an abyss that no one else can reach, filling her until she can no longer notice the emptiness that continues to pervade her.</p>
<p>Cat reaches out for Ellie’s right arm, bringing it to her chest. She caresses the outline of black ink that she placed there just last week. Maybe Ellie will one day tell her what’s underneath there. Maybe.</p>
<p>“It’s like,” Cat speaks, her breath brushing against Ellie’s skin. “I like the way I fell when I can put down memories or experiences in art, like trapping them in a jar so it can never… fully leave me.”</p>
<p>Ellie looks down at her, at the crown of her head where her soft hair parts to reveal pale skin. She wants to kiss her there. “You’re pretty amazing.”</p>
<p>Cat looks up at her, “You’re pretty spectacular yourself.” Cat moves on top of her again, kissing her neck, jaw, nose, eyelids. Ellie squirms and giggles in response, those soft lips tickling her over and over again. They spend the afternoon together, tangled in each other as the glaring sun passes over the small cabin. All the while Ellie can’t help but think Cat is wrong. Ellie isn’t who she pretends to be, she isn’t even close. If Cat looked in her eyes long enough, she would see, she would see through her, into whatever lies deep inside her fucked shell of a being.</p>
<p> </p>
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